Depression At Its Finest !

Hi my blog readers! So, I know you are all wondering what this post is about, right? Well, this post will be about my personal feeling at the moment, so just bear with me people and maybe help me get through this feeling. 

I just want to share how I am suffering with depression, not everyday but i think twice a week. I think that's not a good sign on how a person is feeling, even I know that it is unhealthy. It's not my fault that I have to struggle with this because I can't think of a reason to be happy or make myself happy, I mean I've been receiving bad news and if not, I will not be receiving any news at all especially good one, and that makes me feel nothing because I know that there aren't anything happening to me or in my life, just simply waiting. 

Waiting isn't bad, but what if you are waiting for a long time already, very long time? Can you still say that it is not bad? I think not. Plus, with the whole time you've been waiting, bad news will always be there to give more of a heart break, it's never easy. It's a whole lot of struggling to do since you can't do anything with it because you don't even know how to start. What you can only do is to wait and stare plus if you will do those simple and little steps, what will be in return? Bad News. Big question is, how will you be able to lighten yourself if all of these are happening? If you can't even tell what will happen and you can't even think if everything is alright. 

Simple things that your simple wants are not happening, even the simplest things. Those simple wishes, as simple as having a return reply from someone or having that urge to get something but turns out to be a never gonna happen statement. One is ok, Two is fine, Three is enough but if it reaches Four, Five and more? That I don't know already, that feeling of being down all the time, those moment when you want to be happy but it's hard because of a certain situation. Those times when you will think on how to improve yourself, that you will do something that you think can help the flow of it to make things better but even how hard you will do, how you make things easy, it will always come around as a challenge, a very difficult challenge that you will end up crying. 

Simplest things you do for you to make yourself proud and happy, but it seems like nothing is happening, like you are alone. Like you are all by yourself, that no one is appreciating who you are and the things you do seems like it's a waste and no one likes what your doing. Simplest things that are easy for others but for you is a challenge and a situation where you're riding a seesaw but you are all alone and down. The feeling where you are already struggling for yourself but when it comes to others, they find it easy and they find themselves happy or if you know a person is stuck with a huge problem but still can manage to be happy and stay on track and the look on how the person seems like nothing happened but for you, it seems like everything is a mess, like Hope already left you and the feeling where you are sitting all alone in a plain white empty room. The situation where, in able to make yourself happy, you will just act your imagination on how you want your life you wanted to be and how you want it to happen. The feeling where expectation for you is already a broken word where it will always hurt you at the end of the day, the feeling you want to be yourself but you chose not to be because you know it will be more entertaining to be someone else. When you wanted something so much and then at the end of the day you will not be getting it or when you're happiness will be a simple reply from someone but you didn't have that but others had, all feels very excruciating both mentally and emotionally.

Until now, it's been a struggle already. The feeling is very heavy, you're so down and it feels like no one will help you get through this. To still be strong, I will get the strength from my family and loved one cause even if they don't know what I am going through at the moment, they still manage to make me smile and with that, I will know that I can still be happy. Another is the faith from GOD, with everything that is happening, I know that he will be there to support and guide me, with all the waiting I know with Patience and Faith, I believe it's gonna be worth it. Wishing me GoodLuck and hopefully this will end soon and hoping to get through this without finding myself crying. :')

*Smile people, live your life with Positive Vibes*